PHILIPPINE ISLAND LIVING human adventures
Getting Hooked on Crack Pie
This review will likely get me in trouble.
My friend from the gym transformed into a professional chef a few months ago.
I saw him put together top-tier meals that you’d only see from a decorated Michelin-star chef.
I saw picture-perfect French macaroons.
I saw beautiful waffles paired with duck and foie gras.
I saw pasta dishes made with a combination of the best cheese available.
I saw a photo of Beef Wellington, a dish that top chefs say is difficult to make because it’s easy to mess up.
Even the side dishes were food porn.
I was browsing Facebook, and I saw a post about a pie.
My eyes found their way to a discussion in the comment section and read a long thread of good feedback.
“The pie was sinfully good but had some oats to balance out the sweetness,” said the person in the comments.
“I bet,” I thought to myself.
The previous meals I’ve seen were already impressive.
I wasn’t paying attention because I saw a long thread.
“Sounds cool,” I thought.
I usually had a detached reaction to food that I see online because I’m trying to lose weight.
I hit back and kept scrolling.
A few days later, I saw his photo holding an eyecatching box with the word “CRACK” printed in big, bold letters.
The photo showed up again and again in my feed.
“He’s selling the pie?” I thought.
I clicked his Facebook profile to check.
I saw Business Times, Philippine Star, Manila Bulletin, and ABS CBN News featuring the pie.
I didn’t read the reviews.
I had to try this pie for myself.
I sent him a message and ordered a box.
I hesitated at first, given what I’ve seen, I thought the pie would be crazy expensive.
I was surprised that a box of CRACK pie is reasonably affordable.
Chef Gab was kind enough to give us coffee that maximizes the pleasure from our CRACK experience.
PROCURING CRACK
Mitzi and I met up with him to pick up the order.
We drove to an obscure side-road in the south.
We found him parked waiting for us.
We rolled down our window he handed us the merchandise.
We thanked each other and drove away.
Our transaction was like a drug deal.
The only thing missing was him asking, “do you have the money?”
And me replying, “Do you have the goods?”
We drove home with a white box that had the word CRACK in big, bold letters.
Even the experience of the transaction was a fun story.
I can’t wait to tell my friends that I know a guy who sells CRACK by the box down south.
HOW TO ENJOY CRACK:
Chef Gab gave us some instructions.
Refrigerate the CRACK when you get home.
The CRACK pie is best served chilled.
For best results, pair the CRACK with coffee.
We got home, put the box and the coffee in the fridge to chill.
A few hours later, we pulled out the coffee and the CRACK pie.
PRESENTATION:
I’m impressed at the level of detail that Chef Gab put into the crack pie.
Chef Gab sincerely thought every detail of the CRACK pie meticulously.
The foil pan is sealed with a protective cover.
Generous amounts of silky fine white powder are stored in a convenient, transparent, food-grade, polyethylene container, ensuring that you deliver the maximum amount in your system.
You can apply a little of the white stuff or knock yourself out.
The box is sealed with stickers that also say “CRACK.”
You’d have confidence walking the streets carrying CRACK.
You’re not worried about situations where you “had to make a run for it” while carrying your box of CRACK.
Unlike popular boxed cakes, if you accidentally tipped the box a little to the side, your box of CRACK is safe.
Crack would make a perfect gift for your homies and top dogs in your organization.
THE TASTE OF CRACK:
I’m not a professional food reviewer.
I’m just a writer who enjoys food.
I have some difficulty describing the taste.
My first bite reminded me of the sweetness of dates.
I love the texture and how the pie crumbles in your mouth.
I love the sweet-salty taste and the texture of oats.
The CRACK pie has a rich taste, and a small amount of crack is incredibly satisfying.
A small dose of CRACK goes a long way.
You don’t need a lot.
That said, the best way to enjoy CRACK is to share your stash with family and friends.
Everything about CRACK gives you pleasure.
The story, the transaction, the packaging, the merchandise itself is carefully crafted for your enjoyment.
I see myself buying crack to share with friends and family.
I also see my friends buying crack after they’ve had a little taste.
SWEETNESS OF CRACK:
Traditional crack pie is usually super sweet.
Chef Gab’s recipe is a reduced-sugar version of the recipe.
Chef told me that he’d like to keep his customers around long-term.
I see Chef Gab dealing CRACK in the foreseeable future.
HOW TO GET YOUR FIX:
Here’s how you can get yourself some of the good stuff.
Visit Chef Gab’s page.
Place your order.
Send your payment.
Chef Gab will cook you some CRACK.
You’ll receive your shipment of CRACK on the agreed-upon schedule.
CRACK PH IN THE NEWS:
Crack.ph on the Philippine Star.
Crack.ph on the Manila Bulletin.
Written on April 23rd , 2021 by Kevin Olega